Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Randomize
