bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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