wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
