How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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