i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
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