you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
