I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
