I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
