i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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