I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
