dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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