i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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