i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize
