so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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