He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
why do cheetos always look like penises
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
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