Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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