He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Barsexuality is the new black.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
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