found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize