I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
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This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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