meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize