Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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