Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
You have to summon your inner elephant
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
