Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
