He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
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Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
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I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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