Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
