Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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