You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
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