all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
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Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
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I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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