oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
