drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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