You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
No more Irish car bombs ever.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
