in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
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