life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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