AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Randomize
