I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
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