So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
