WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
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We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
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I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
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