the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
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If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
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We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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