dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
