you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Randomize
