my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
