I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
