My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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