I think I died a long time ago.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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