I don't remember. Are we still dating?
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
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My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
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Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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