He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
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It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
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The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
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