Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
