You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Randomize
