today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
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My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
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eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
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