I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Randomize
