i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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