we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
