cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
