why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
