How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Randomize
