i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
