i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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