Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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