omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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